Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Every Morning [Story A Day - #15]

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

It’s late, and I need to get to bed so I can start my morning ritual soon.

 

“BUZZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZ!” With an almost automatic and fluid motion I reach out and slam my palm over the snooze button. It’s 6:00 AM and like yesterday, and the day before; I don’t want to give up. Last night I had all good intentions to get up at 6 so I could work out, but that was last night when I was lucid. Now? Well I may be lucid, but that doesn’t men I have to get up.

I know later today I’ll kick myself for sleeping in, I do every day. Once I’m in the shower I’ll see my sagging middle section and wish it was gone. The only way for that to happen is to get up, right now, and go exercise. Last week I got up at 6 and did exercise and I felt great all day. I just need to slide my leg out from the covers and slip the the ground. Once I’m out from this blanket I’ll be awake enough to actually do what I know I need to do.

Well exercising only takes about 30 minutes and 10 minutes for a shower. That means I can just lay here a little bit longer before I have to get up. There is no harm in that. The fact that I can think this clearly right now means I’m awake and my brain is spinning up so I really can’t go to sleep again any way. I’ll just rest a few more minutes and then I’ll get up and go exercise.

“BUZZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZ BUZZZZZZZZ!” What is that noise? What is that… Oh, yeah the alarm. I guess I wasn’t as awake as I thought I was. Thank goodness for the Snooze Button. With just a few more minutes of rest, I feel great and now it’s time to start exercising. I’ll just turn off this alarm…

“Ah crap! I must have turned off the snooze. It’s 7:00 am and now I’m going to be late for work!”

 

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Assisted Search Required [Story A Day - #14]

Monday, May 23, 2011

Today’s story was suppose to be a Twitter story, but 140 character’s just wouldn’t cut it, so I made it a two tweet story. ;-)

 

The ball drop from sleeping fingers and rolled a few feet away. With a pop the ball transformed into it’s true robotic form. Now free the robot can finally accomplish it’s mission. With a tiny whir, the robot zipped into the nearest hay stack in search for that elusive needle!

 

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Funny Old Man [Story A Day - #11]

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Tonight I just didn’t have much energy to keep working on my unfinished story from yesterday, having spent that last 3 hours doing Calculus homework. What came out is this interesting piece. How did I get the idea for this story? I just started typing till I was done.

 

Once upon a time lived a funny old man. He lived in a perfectly normal looking suburbs outside of Chicago. Everyone in the neighborhood avoid this man because of his quirks. From time to time he would come running out of his house screaming at the top of his lungs about everyone being killed. After being crouched with his hands over his head, on the far side of the street for several minutes, with nothing happening did his screaming stop. He would then slowly turn and look at his vacant house, and when no one died he would timidly shuffle back into his home.

On May 17th he preformed the running and screaming act as he had done some many times before that his neighbors didn’t even bother a second glance. That is till his screaming slowly faded to silence. “How very strange”, they all thought, “the screaming always stopped abruptly before. It has never fade to silence.” Upon further examination it seems that the funny old man never stopped on the other side of the street as he usually did. This time he kept running farther and farther away, hence why the screaming faded instead of stopped. The neighbors of this funny old man came to their windows to see what was going on. Some even opened their front doors and stepped out.

Many of them were scratching their heads as they made eye contact one with the other to see if anyone else had an idea what was going on. In the now silent air a rumbling could be heard from the funny old man’s house. Now the neighbors where staring at the funny old man’s house, not the direction the funny old man ran to. A few daring people slowly approached the house just as the ground started to shake violently. The thought crossed everyone’s mind just a bit too late, “maybe this time he was right and we are all going to die.” As some thought to run after the funny old man a large explosion went of just as the earth shaking reached the apex and wiped out the whole neighborhood.

Then End.

 

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Moon’s Pull [Story A Day - #7]

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Too much homework tonight, so my story is going to have to be a twitter fiction. Enjoy.

I watched the image of the moon in the sea as it twinkled, moved, then disappeared. Without it’s pull the sea lurch and swallowed me whole.

 

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The Battle for Right and Wrong [Story a Day - #3]

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Some people say when they need to make a choice a devil appears on one shoulder and the angel on the other, to guide them in making the choice. Each representative pleads their case and then the choice can be made. I wish I was so lucky. Oh I have an angel and a devil come to me when I have a critical moral decision to make, but they don’t counsel me or even plead their case. They use my dilemma as an ability to come out of the ether and wage a religious war with my shoulders and head as the battle ground. In fact the reason I have an ear piercing in my left ear is because the devil missed when he used his trident as a javelin.

The war begins when they are summoned to help me chose, and a cease fire is called when I make up my mind and they are no longer “needed”. As you can imagine, I avoid making choices that have moral ramifications. But just the other day I was faced with a particularly hard question and I really didn’t know what to do and I couldn’t avoid it. Just as I paused to ponder question the devil appeared and began explaining the reasons why I should choose his way. After he enumerated the many logical reasons I realized that he wasn’t fighting, and he was alone! I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned my head towards him.

“Where is the angel?” I asked with suspicion in my voice.

“In Heaven” replied the devil in a sarcastic tone, then he spit on my shoulder.

“Umm… You just spat on my shoulder. I hope you are going to clean that up.” The devil just grinned at me defiantly and shook his head. “Anyway, what do you mean he is in Heaven? You two battle it out every time I have a question, did he not get the memo?”

“When I say he is in Heaven, I mean he is in his final resting place,” stated the devil with a tone of a man talking to a small child.

“You KILLED the angel!?!?!” I was stunned. I mean they got into some pretty good fights, but neither of them looked like they really got hurt.

“No, I didn’t kill him,” retorted the devil, “we are immortal! That means we can’t die. I slipped a sleeping pill into his holy wine… Okay, I slipped several sleeping pills into his wine. I figure he’ll be asleep for quite some time.”

Hearing that my angel guide wasn’t dead made me feel much better, then I quietly gave my devil a high five for such an awesome prank. And since my angel has been vacant life has become so much easier! I have a question, my devil appears, explains his side, which is all very logical, and then I go with him, and no more battles on my shoulder. Problem solved.

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